Two weeks ago we think the first word that Taylor uttered was bottle. Matt was downstairs with Taylor and he was pointing at a bunch of things muttering uh and um and then Matt said what do you want? And Taylor said bot-tal. Matt said you want a bottle? And Taylor answered um and laughed. A few days later I was in the living room and Taylor was doing a similar thing, pointing and grunting. And I said what do you want? And he said ra-moot. I said did you say remote? He picked it up and laughed. Yesterday in the car he picked up a book about Dinosaurs and said Din-a-soor. We said did you say Dinnosaur and he repeated it. But he doesn't say these words again. He seems to only utter them once or twice in passing and then when he has said it that is it, time to move on to the next word. This would not surprise me because that seems to be how he works with most things...he sees things as a challenge like trying to climb up on the couch and he will do it over and over until he gets it and then he moves on to something else. And I think with communicating he will do what is quickest....like he will sign milk because he can't say it but he verbally told my mother Down when she was trying to rock him and he wanted nothing to do with it.

 

So the little guy is growing up. Walking, running, and climbing like crazy and now he is starting to really talk. Oh and let's not forget the destruction: banging, smashing, crashing, and tearing apart all things he can get his little hands on. Love him. It is so much fun to see the differences in Olivia and Taylor's personalities. I love and sometimes get upset by the dead-pan stare Taylor will give me when he is about to push his sippie cup or food off his tray. He stares right at me with this hard staret while pushign whatever it is onto the floor and then he waits for my reaction with tinniest hint of a smirk on his face as if he is saying So what are you going to do about it? Matt's Dad told me that Matt did a similar thing with his bottle when he was Taylor's age.  But you know, it is great to see his mind working. Oh there have been days when I thought I was losing my mind....when Olivia is yelling more this and that and Taylor is practicing sceeching and I have to lock myself in the bathroom for a minute and turn the fan on before I go insane. But then I am so happy to be home with them. Like this morning when I saw Olivia sweetly talking to Taylor and giving him her hand so he could get up on the couch. I am so proud and so lucky!

So my baby is  now growing up s so fast that I cannot keep up with him. He is just about walking. He took his first steps about two months ago and now periodically tries to walk aroudn the houe by holdign on to people, toys, and furniture to keep himself steady. He is different baby. He looks right at me and puts dust fuzz in his mouth and then gags and take it out to hand it to me while I try to leap and get it out of his mouth in time before he chokes. Yuck! Olivia did not do that.

 

He is signing like crazy. He tells us he is sleepy by sweeping his hand across his head which is very close to the ASL sign. My sister watched him the other day and she thought he was trying to say he had a headache because he kept doing that over and over and then putting his head down on the floor. She was a little worried but he didn't fall and didn't have a fever so she thought she would just wait to see if he got better. When I walked in the door, he immediately did that sign to me and then grunted. It was a little too late to give him a nap but sometimes I think he is just experimenting with signing and doesn't actually mean what he says.

 

Today he signed diaper, as in change my diaper, as clear as can be. I was so thrilled. Not so thrilled to change the nasty nappie as they call them in the UK but happy he can tell me he has one. And he definitely has shown me the sign for cereal and more. He smacks his hands together to tell me more and then grunts. WHne he is all done, he takes both his hand and pushes away, which is pretty much the sign for all done in ASL.

 

Taylor is more of a risk taker than Olivia was as a baby. He tries to climb everything and he smashes things together and tries to see what happens when he puts this toy into that toy. He is very active. I can barely get him to sit still long enough to go through a touch and feel type book. But he is doign great and I feel proud and lucky to have two great kids.

Olivia has been walking to and from the little Kita with me every day now that Matt is off interviewing in the States. This morning she decided she absolutely had to have her pink butterfly purse and of couse, she absolutely had to put her sunglasses and her truck in it, which is fine wit me. And I decided that every day it is nice enough to put Taylor in my ergonomic baby carrier, that I would. So today it was nice out for a change. The only problem with taking Tylor in the front pack is that I also have to have hands for an umbrella, Olivia's lunch box, a jacket, a pacifier, and of course I need to be able to hold Olivia's hand. Olivia decided on the way there that she could do it all and was about to throw an absolute fit if I didn't let her carry the umbrella, the lunchbox and her jacket. I let her try. She was proudly walking down the street practically yelling at the top of her lungs in English Look Mommy I can hold them all. I am big and I am strong. I thought it was pretty cute. It reminded me of a circus parade or something...the three of us with rattles and pacifiers hanging off my front pack and Olivia with all her bags and an umbrella.

 

Anyway random thoughts. I guess I am trying to keep my mind off of things because we find out soon if we are moving to Boston. Oh and then there is poor Taylor. He is teething...gnawing at everything. Doesn't nap all that well and doesn't sleep at night all that well either. Olivia is not sleeping too good either because of nervousness and confusion--at least I am guessing that is what is going on here. The other day she insisted we save some cookies for her cousin Elizabeth and that we try and go see great grandma to do the Hoky Pokey. No matter what I say or show her she only half understands that they are all in America and not here. She insists all the time that we need to get n a train or a plane RIGHT NOW to go see them so she can play. Breaks my heart. I too am not sleeping all that great because well so many changes. But even with all this going on and the poor thing in pain, Taylor managed to do a half roll: he rolled  from his back to his belly. Olivia and I clapped for him even though he was crying after he did it. Then Olivia did it for him to "show him how." Olivia is really cute. I think she really thinks that he learned how to roll by watching her. And who knows, maybe he did? I mean she shows him all the time the most important things: how to hold forks, eat food, roll on the ground and how to jump. I am proud of both my babies. Now if only we could all get some sleep. So wish me luck to night on both accounts: news about Boston and that I finally get some sleep!

So I think it is official: Taylor has figured out how to kick his musical mobile on. He scoots himself over to the side of the crib where it is located by rolling himself around and kicking and then kicks the on/off button to the music. I thought he did it yesterday but wasn't sure because I put him in there two times; both times he was in there the mobile came on even though I didn't turn it on. When I went in to check on him, he was over to that side of the crib watching it go around and around. So today I put him in and turned it on and then off right away, and then I left the room to see if he would turn it on. He kicked it and it came on. He still had his foot on it when I came in to see. It is amazing to me how babies learn...it was probably a random thing the first few times and then he probably discovered that he could do it by kicking. They are such little scientists.

 

Speaking of scientists: ah toddlers, little creatures that perform "tests" all day long on their parents to gadge their reactions. Olivia is really big into this right now. The thing that I have to remember is that just because she talks so much doesn't mean she always understands what she is saying or what I am saying. Sometimes she gets a little mixed up and isn't sure what I mean. I realized this last night when I told her that putting shoes in a pile right in the main walking area of the living room floor is a tripping hazard and that we could trip on them and get hurt. Then I asked her to please put her shoes away so that we don't trip on them. A little while later she came into the kitchen and said Mommy look: I moved the shoes so that you won't trip. The shoes were spread out into the corners of the living room out of the main walking area. I laughed a little and said thank you. You are right you moved them out of the way so we won't trip. I left it at that because she clearly didn't understand that they don't go all over the floor but she did understand that if she moved them around the room into the corners we probably wouldn't trip on them. Later on I had her help me put them away.

 

Then there is the English-German word mashes going on and just word mixups in general. Yesterday Olivia said Daddy is on the Flughaven and he will come by Zug. (Daddy is on the Airport and he will come by Train.). It is so interesting because she is doing what Matt and I do and using a mix of German and English in her sentences...which in theory is not so good when learning a new language. But we want to try to speak some German with her so she can see us making the effort. Of course she gets mixed up with meanings a little but to her credit she is managing two languages. The words she chose weren't the correct ones to use but they were pronounced correctly in German and were close to what the words would be in German.

 

In other news, as many parents due, sometimes I suffer from guilt. I know that these changes Olivia is going through are part of life but it makes me feel bad that we are going to have even more big changes, like moving and having to say goodbye to Germany and the Kita. The Kita is a huge part of her world and provides a lot of routine, support and continuity. Right now she is already sad that a lot of her friends at the Kita are leaving and going to Kingergarten. For a long time we told her when she is bigger she will go to Kingergarten, which is true but what we meant and what Olivia thinks is that she will go when she is three years old because that is what kids do here in Germany. The reality is we are not going to put her in Kindergarten here unless we are staying for 6 months or more. Part of me wishes so badly that we could put her in Kingergarten right now but there isn't an open spot, we have to give the Kita two months notice, and we may be moving as early as November. The last one is the main reason we are keeping her in the Kita because there is no point in turning her world upside down by putting her in Kingergarten for a few months only to take her out and move her out of the country. Oh I hate that she is so sad about all her friends at the Kita going to Kingergarten. She plays bye-bye friends on a bus with her dolls and pretends that they are all going away to Kindergarten. Right now there are only little kids left (mostly one-year-olds and a few two-year-olds). Poor thing. We feel terrible that it is so confusing but I guess this is a part of life...little struggles and big changes. We are doing our best to minimize them and I guess like all parents do, we just have to suffer through a little guilt because in the end you can't shelter your child from all of life's struggles. 

 

But really I am a proud mamma. I love my kids and my husband. I miss my husband right now. He is away on business and I am just trying to survive here with the two kids. It is so hard. Single parents out there, I feel your struggle and I am only doing this for a week. I still can't believe my mom did this with three kids all by herself...raised all three of us, put herself through college, and worked. How? Boy, when it comes to parenting you just never get it until you try it yourself. It is hard work but worth it, so worth it!

 

Taylor is starting to roll all over the place. He can roll from one side and then to the other but he can't quite do it full circle yet. Yesterday I put him in his crib for a few minutes so he could play and I could take a shower and when I came out, he had kicked his mobile on. I am not sure how he did it but he seemed rather pleased with himself that he turned it on because he was babbling away and giggling when I came in to check on him. He must have done it when he scooted himself completely sideways in his crib. I can't believe how mobile he already is...I mean he is only 4 months old. 

 

The other good news is it appears that his colic is for the most part gone. He only seems fussy when he is overstimulated or if I am dumb enough to try any cow's milk products. I did that one again a few days ago and he was fussy. Not as bad as he used to be but the poor thing threw up so I know now I have got to just stop trying it and leave well enough alone. He may never outgrow his intolerance for cow's milk. OH well. I only have 6 more months of nursing or so to go. I can deal with that.

 

In other news, Olivia is starting to really enjoy being a big sister. Matt is gone on a business trip for a week and I am here solo. That certainly makes things hard but we are all managing. Olivia decided to play little mother and when Taylor was fussing on the floor in his baby gymn thing she went over and said "Now, Now Taylor. Don't worry. It's okay." She then patted him on the head, gave him a kiss, and then went and got his pacifier. She was so proud of herself that she came can got me (I was in the other room within earshot just putting a few dishes away). She said "Gack mal mommy. I clipped his pacifier and the clown on."  He has a little pacifier holder that clips onto his shirts. I was a bit shocked that she could do that and a bit afraid because she could have pinched him but I was so proud I didn't want to say anything. I just told her what a great job she is doing being a big sister and what a big help she is to her mommy. So cute.

 

Today was the first day I got a whole stream of giggles from Taylor. I was thrilled. He has the cutest little laugh in the whole wide world. As soon as I came over to pick him up I always say hi and give him a huge smile. He just started smiling back a few weeks ago. Well today he gave me a huge smile and then went agooooooooooo and then I laughed because it was so cute. Then he laughed back. I copied his agooooo and he did it back again and laughed. Colick and all the things I have had to give up are so worth his smiles and so worth his little laugh. He just did it again for both me and Matt and then he got so excited that he was overstimiluated and had to be picked up and rocked down to sleep. The long nights, the crying, all of it is worth it just to see him happy. It is all worth it.

So I never should have posted anything that said my son was a good sleeper. That time was short-lived. Maybe I cursed myself. Who knows? Anyways Taylor appears to have a milk allergy so begrungingly I have had to give up the things I love the most: cheese (and this is Europe where cheese really is that good!), milk, and icecream (this one is a blessing since I am trying not to overindulge in sweets this time so I can lose this baby fat). The no dairy is hard to do but I am starting to like Soy products. I also have to give up citrus, bubbly water, and this one really kills me, chocolate. Oh and in case that wasn't hard enough (I am a chocoholic), I also have to limit my caffeine to two cups a day and sometimes it seems I need to have only one cup of coffee or one cup of tea. Oh it kills me because this is the time when I really need that cup of wake-me-up magic. All of these things give him a very upset belly and it makes him not just cry but shriek with pain. Poor thing. He suffers from reflux and milk and all the other things tend to aggrevate it even more. I must admit, there are days when I have strongly considered giving up on breastfeeding but as so many doctors and websites have said, that might just make it worse since formula oftentimes increases the reflux and causes more gas and fussiness. I guess I wouldn't be a mother if I didn't have to make sacrifices. I am willing to do this for the love of my son but he might have to hear about it later in life (just kidding-- well, I don;t want to hold it over him but it is hard!).

 

Matt and I have been trying to keep our sense of humor but the past few weeks have been very hard. People with multiple kids warned us but until you have more than one yourself, you never really get it. THere are days when Taylor just fusses no matter what and I can't let him cry for more than 5-10 minutes (I mean he is so little...I just can't) and so I am typically holding a crying baby while my little poor confused and jealoius Olivia is throwing tempertantrums. I swear she kicks it up a notch every time he cries. That makes it hard. Olivia is also refusing to go to bed and gets up over and over despite our pleas. We put her back in bed over and over and we have even taken storytelling time away at night to try and get her to cooperate. Timeouts don't work hardly at all anymore so now her toys go in time out or we have to threaten to take away things she really likes to do like going to the park, the Swimhalle (the public pool), tv, and storytelling at night (books are her favorite and this one really kills me to do). We are trying to not be so hard on her. I understand or kind of understand (I am the youngest of three) that life used to revolve around just her and now we have a baby who requires extra special attention because he is a fussy one.

 

So anyways we are trying to not lose our minds. After we finally get Olivia to bed at 9:30 or sometimes as late as 10:00 (shhh don't tell anyone; we are trying!!), we then take turns passing Taylor back and forth. And the only thing that seems to calm him is reggae music so there we are exhausted singing Bob Marley songs and beep-bopping around--anything to get that baby to sleep. OH lord help us. It is a funny thing. Although I imagine my poor neighbors think once again the Americans have lost it. But hey, whatever works, right? And you know what else is kiling us? Matt and I can't breathe at all. We too appear to have allergies to all the lovely budding tress that are outside our apartment building. It is hard enough to get sleep because of waking toddlers and nursing babies, but now I can't get hardly any sleep because I can't breathe through my nose. All I know is what my grandmother tells me and it is now my mantra: This too shall pass. So in the words of Marley man, "Hey little darling. Don't shed  no tears cause no woman, no cry."

So Taylor was born on April 6th. He is beautiful...I am biased and proud. He is already 10bs at one month old--he was7 lbs when he was born so that is pretty good. He grunts more than Olivia and spits up more, which worries me a little but I am told it is normal. He also sleeps better and seems to be on his own little routine already--these are things we still struggle with Olivia on. But what I have to remind myself is all children are different...all babies are different and accept that how I parent him will be different too. 

 

Okay so now the crazy Mutter thing (craxy mom). Admittingly I am a feeling a little well, crazy/out-of-sorts. I have to chalk it up to hormones. In fact my midwife told me right around a month after giving birth the body has another change and there are a lot hormones released. So I guess I have to expect that I might be a little out of sorts and crazy. Craxy meaning one minute I feel like I should just sit down and relax and the next my mind is spinning with a thousand and one projects I want to do and to-do-lists I feel I should complete and then I just get a little spastic and demanding with both Matt and Olivia, somehow expecting them to know what it is I need help with. Yah so I am a little crazy. I forgot how tired and spastic a newborn can make you. I am not depressed but I can't seem to just well relax. I should take a nap but then when will I have time to shower, write or read something, or even eat my lunch?

 

So I am back in the thick of being a newborrn's mom all over again but I am allowing myself permission to let my house get a little dustier and to accept that my laundry isn't always goiing to be done, folded and put away. I was spoiled by having my grandmother here. She helped with a lot of stuff...in fact my kitchen was sparkling and Olivia also had a pretty hip playmate: she showed Olivia the hoky-poky. The reality of being on my own during the day (Matt helps a lot when he comes home and I am so fortunate for that) has finally sunk in. I am somewhat prepared for it but also well, I am SOOOOOO TIRED. I have been working on accepting that as part of life now too. Yes, nursing 10-12 imes a day, changing diapers for both Taylor and Olivia who knows how many times, and well sleeping in 1-2 hour spurts is exhausting. This sombined with the hormonal changes does mean I can be a bit crazy. So to anyone I have been a bit standoffish to or somehow a little off, please forgive me. And to anyone else, well let me just apologize in advance. Talk to me in 4 months when thing will hopefully get easier and please just let the optimist inside of me believe that...I know it isn't true but I am trying to maintain some hope that at least ina few months I will either a) get more sleep or b) will be so used it that it won't matter anymore. So yah. Let me just keep the sleep thought so I can fantasize about getting wonderful non-interuppted sleep;  but i do love the little bundooker.