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July 10 Gute Nacht Baby TaylorIt’s 11:20 a.m. here in Aachen You are laying next to me in bed bundled up in an afghan blanket made by my aunt Your fingers are through the holes I am holding you close to me, your head in the crook of my arm We are both tired
You take one of your hands from out of the blanket And wrap it around my index finger It is a tight hold--you seem to like it that way I am hoping I can convince you to go to sleep Outside I can hear the vendor calling "Gemϋse and Obst fϋr kaufen" The man keeps ringing his bell and calling, naming all the fruit he has for sale
Your eyes close and I watch your daddy long leg eyelashes flutter once more You're wearing a hooded jacket embroidered with frogs and fish I like your green, hand-me-down, cotton cargo pants... your big sister wore these once too I smile down at you Secretly I like to see you in these tiny dress-up clothes
Your chubby little hand slowly releases mine And then your eyes pop open for just a second Checking that I am still here Still holding you I try my shaky voice again and softly sing my song
Don't worry little one I whisper I am here I am your mother Sleep baby sleep and Gute Nacht January 13 under the umbrella cityLike a movie,
We drive
off into the rain
It's a wet purple night
The pitter patter hits softly
and trickles down
Olivia, our baby girl
taps her feet
to the beat
of soft classical music
Two 2% grande hazlenut lattes later
You are driving
And I,
I have my feet up on the dashboard
It's late and we are all tired
Go to sleep Olivia, please
And she does
like magic, the rain has lulled her to sleep
The swishing of the windsheild wippers stop
And we sit
We look out over the dark, deep, black water
Over the Sound
In Golden Garden Park
Out across the water
we see the yellows, blues, and purples
of watercolored lights
and we sigh
Goodbye Seattle
We will miss your gentle rain
We will miss your emerald greens
We will miss your golden gardens
We will miss spending our anniversaries under
the umbrella city, watching the boats come in
as rain drops
And we will miss Mount Ranier
Strong, beautiful, bold
covered with snow from head to toe
She'll wink at you through the clouds
on a sunny summer day while you are driving
across the floating bridges
And we have deciphered your message
Sunsets become reflections of a dream
Learn to be and let it be
Rain refreshes,
renews,
replenishes the soul
there is always room for change
And as we breathe
fresh, new air merges
into the memories
that soak down deep
deep into the waters of our soul January 06 Dharma Rain WalkIt's four o'clock p.m.
You're restless
And I'm bored
We get our coats
You dress in toddler-sized tulips
I'm dressed in adult gortex green
We walk slowly
slower than I am used to
Your little legs stomp on the pavement
around the neighborhood
You stop at every flower
and point out every car
I tell you to hold my hand
but you are determined to be
a big girl and walk all by yourself
As we walk up the path to the park
you find puddles and mud
s-p-l-a-s-h and m-u-c-k
a suctioned cup step
You jump and we giggle
We listen and breathe in the soft
muddled sounds of Seattle rain
Chimes blow lightly in the wind
Street lamps paint a shimmery pattern
of yellows and blues on the sidewalk
I am teaching you to talk
You are teaching me to see again
to laugh, to play,
to be in the moment
as we walk in the Dharma rain
January 02 A little sappling turns into a treeSleeping ever so soundly next to me on the blue futon, I watch you closely
My eyes tear up when I think about how little you used to be all curled up in my arms
nursing and cooing contently
Your little hands would curl around your daddy's fingers when held you on his lap
And the memory of soft touches on our faces still lingers...
Now you curl your hands around your doll and your soft white kitty cat
These are your babies
You kiss them, feed them, and even pretend to change their diapers
Cooing is now sighing and you sometimes give a little snoar as you sleep
You are almost a little girl now
and I miss the baby who snuggled up on my chest to sleep
Now you want to sleep with your head on a pillow in a big girl bed
And my heart flutters a little when you reach out to touch me
right before you close your eyes for your midmorning nap
We are still connected at the heart
And the beating I hear is for both of us
Baby to girl
seed to bloom
a little sappling turns into a tree
and blows kisses into the wind December 20 Down at the playgroundOff to the playground
here we go
into the dirt with our sandbox pals
and a broom broom
the toy dumptrucks sound
A little boy holds out his hand to wave hello
As the yellow school bus grumbles by
The kids are done for the day
Oh here we go let's watch them play
The big kids swing really high
run up the slides and come down head first
laughing with excitement in a game of chase
while the little kids climb up the steps
The sky is lit with pinks and blues
as coldness bites at our toes
it is time to take one last swing
back tomorrow if it doesn't rain
down here at the playground August 09 A Way to the GardenWe begin to play in the grass
The sprinkler turned on real low
A butterfly wisps by and you look at me with a curious eye
as we make our way to the garden
Our garden isn't much
In fact it's rather small
But every morning
we water all the flowering shrubs I put you in the canvas sling
you wrap your legs around my waist
and after all the watering is done
we cut a blooming rose
Before you were my baby girl I had no use for silly things
A garden was too much for me
and my house plants all stayed parched
But now that your eyes smile wide
And your little hand points out with wonder
I want to know the names of everything
and keep it growing forever
April 27 11:27 Morning sunMorning sun streams through the slots between the blinds The sun through the window reminds me of when you were born I looked down at you, In San Diego, a perfect stranger, told me to try to hold out and have you in October
When you wake, you smile and I can see the sun rising in your eyes
March 16 Ballard BloomCherry blossoms abound as we walk down the street. Little petals like snowflakes that cover the cement. Ballard is blooming with Springtime and there is promise in the air of sunshine and warmth. Olivia and I walk with purpose on our way to the park. There are other children at play to see. And I am once again reminded of the promise of what is to come. Some day she too will want to get down from my arms and run and play. I have to enjoy this now as much as I can. A baby in my arms who looks up at me with wonder. She seeks to know the world through me and I encourage her to look around and watch the kids swing and slide. A crocus pushes through the spring earth. The universe showers down on her. Nature has a way of smiling on us all when a daughter is born.
March 11 Sleeping ever so soundlyI feel the clasp of your little hands placed on my chest Your legs are pulled in close as your little toes curl And even though there are sounds of the neighbor's dog barking and car doors slamming as people come home from work For a moment it seems as if we are in our own world A world full of deep cooing breaths that fall softly on my face You pull in close to me, breathe in deeply, and then ever so gently pull at my hair Knowing that I am your mom here to comfort you as you sleep ever so soundly next to me And I hold you close, as the memory of this runs deep into the waters of my soul |
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