Olivia is struggling with the idea of moving again. I don't blame her. We have moved four times in the last three years...several were into temporary apartments and two were international moves. I am done too. I don't want to do it again ever if I have to but life works that way sometimes. The good news is if we get this house, we sincerely hope with all our heart that this is the last move for a very, very, very, long time.

 

Anyways Olivia is three and a half years old and so for lots of reasons she freaks out and even more so because we are once again sending her life into chaos. It breaks our hearts but we are ultimately doing it for her. We went far far out there as one guy said to Matt to find a hosue we could afford in a decent school district that is not hours and hours from my family but is still close enough for Matt to take the MBTA commuter line to work. We have seen over 300 houses online and 43 houses in person. We have put two offers on two houses and almost put an offer on a third but didn't because there were serious mold problems. The first house we were going to buy fell apart after we went through paying $500 for an inspection to find out that this beautiful old house was just too old and too much money and work to maintain and it had bad, bad levels of radon with no way to mitigate it. The first house had mold and we fortunately found that out before we put an offer in on it or paid for an inspection. This house has gone through the inspection and has minor things like new gutters that need to be put on but no major problems so it is looking good. Several houses we looked at had lots of trash and dirty clothes everywhere. We felt bad because it was like walking into a disaster zone and the sad part was you could tell that there was a lingering sense of desperation in the air coming from the people trying to sell the house who already dropped their price several times and really needed to get out before they couldn't. One house had a cemetary literally right outside the back kitchen window. Sorry but I didn't want to look at grave stones while drinking my morning coffee! Another house literally had the highway in the backyard to which the listing agent said, well if you shut all the windows, the owner says she never even notices the noise.  Most of those houses were much closer to the city but they were all we could afford in our price range. It was a real shocker to us to see that even though my husband makes decent money and even if I was working, after day care and everything we still could barely afford to be anywhere close to the city. THere are some places but they needed a lot of TLC and money or the schools were not so great or they would be very very far from my family. The truth is unless you have a good pile of cash, this is still not the best market to buy a house in because most people selling have to sell their house for whatever reason and don't have a lot of room for negotiating. So now after months and months and loads of craziness we think and are hoping that THIS house is going to work out. And so we have told Olivia that we are going to move again. We had to tell her because she listens to everything and when she doesn't understand, it only elevates the temper tantrums. In fact, she told us yesterday to STOP talking adult talk...about things she doesn't understand and talk about them when she goes to bed. Wow! We were floored.

 

But still I feel it is important to tell her about moving to prepare her and work through it all. I haven't said we have a house yet or talked about what it is like or anything in case it doesn't work out. I don't want to set unrealistic expecatations about what a house will be like only to have it fall through. But I have told her that we are going to move into a house at some point. She freaked and said she liked it here. Then she went through the list of all the things she owns, her Bitty Baby doll, her bed, Taylor's crib...then she went through every item in the house and asked if it was coming with us. I said yes and then she started asking is the stove coming? Are the windows coming? Are the doors coming? I said no. So she said then I bet the door handles aren't coming either. That was pretty cute. So now she is going through what is NOT coming. Then she asked me what about the attached lighting and the kitchen sink, are those coming? I was very surprised that she knows what attached lighting is but I think she asked about that because when we moved from Germany to here we had to take all attached lights (ceiling lights and what not) and yes, we also had to take the kitchen sink. When you leave an apartment in Germany, there are no ceiling lights, no kitchen cabinets, no stove, no counters, and no kitchen sink. So yeah we have had a very long journey to get here and get our stuff here and let's all hope and pray and do whatever to get us into a house, out of the city, and settled in!

 

Olivia has a little Dora the Explorer watch that we got for her for a stocking stuffer this past Christmas. Today she asked me to get it for her because time is important as she told me. So I gave it to her and then about a half hour later she said, Mommy we are wasting our time. And I said what do you mean? Why are we wasting our time? ANd she said because that is what my watch says mommy. Look It says we are wasting our time. (It doesn't say anythign just some numbers but I think that is pretty funny). Don't you just love how little kids pick up on everything, including all our silly adult expressions?!

This was from a while ago...before Taylor was born...I haven't had much time to do any writing...today i changed probably 12 diapers btwn olivia and taylor and nursed at least ten times...it is hard but worth it...we all took a nap and that was great

 

Okay. I must say that there are days when I feel like I am not going to be able to control it. When Olivia looks right at me and takes her little police car and crashes it right into the wall and the furniture for the upteenth time and I have to, absolutely have to put her in time out. Or better yet now we put her toys in time out if she mistreats them. That causes some serious meltdowns but it sure gets her attention. And yes, I do lose it every once in a while. My voice does go up a notch or two. I do find myself saying Olivia Lynne Young (fullname calling) you had better listen to me or you and your toys are in time out. GO to your room for a minute because mommy needs a minute. I bite my tongue and try my best not to say worse. I do. But it is HARD. And Olivia will say Mommy you upset? Don't be upset mommy. Don't be frutrated (frustrated). I frutrated mommy!  I need a minute. And then she looked at me the other day and said I can't see you mommy. I frutrated. Now I have never said I that. I never told her I couldnt see her. Sometimes I say I can't hear her or understand her because she is whining or yelling. But where did she get that one?

 

And then she told me I upset. I can't find it. I'm lost mommy. That one makes me feel bad because I am not sure what she means a lot of the time. So I will ask her what she means and say what is lost, why are you upset? I looked at her the other day after her tantrum and picked her up and said Olivia tell mommy why you are upset. You know what she said? She said Mommy why you are upset? She was repeating what I asked her to repeat. She didn't know that I was asking her question but thought I wanted her to repeat what I said. I forget that she is only two-and-a-half and kids are so literal. Oh it must be so confusing. Poor thing. That story right there...that is what I try to think about when I feel like we are having some serious communication breakdowns. The reality is little kids don't always understand why they are upset and they really do take things literally. So it is up to me to be the adult and show her patience. Now granted I am human and can't always get it right but I sure am trying my best.

Olivia is two and a half years old now and boy is she picking up on all the little things we do and say. Kids are such quick studies. I hear her repeat things and I gulp a little or cringe. Like one day she told me leave me alone I need some space for a minute. Ikes I guess I said that to her. That hurts. I probably did need some space but I also probably hurt her feelings. I guess this is what I mean about screwing things up. And oh yah the almonds dropped all over the floor and I said damn. So what does Olivia do? You've guessed it. She takes her puzzle pieces and pushes them off the coffee table so they land all over the floor and says Damn! Whoops! I guess it could be worse. I have been known to say a lot worse but have been doing a fairly decent job of keeping my mouth in check. I totally ignored her repeating damn over and over. And then I dropped something on purpose again and said shoot. She probably knew that shoot wasn't as strong a word as damn but it was worth a try. It somewhat worked because she just moved on to playing with something else.

 

Those are the things you cringe a little about but I guess they are bound to happen. Then there are the expressions the little tykes pick up that really make you laugh. For Olivia's birthday my mom and grandmom bought her a fairy dress and another dress that matched for her doll. It is a nice dress and a spring type dress so I didn't want her to start wearing out of the house just yet. But I let her put it on and told her that is a dress for home. So now Olivia calls it her At-home-dress. It is such a little thing but kids can be so clever. It still makes me smirk a little when she asks to wear her At-home-dress.

 

And the other day Matt asked Olivia who was having a meltdown if she was tired. She said no daddy. I am not tired. I am exhausted! That is so funny. I mean how did she get that? So yah kids are quick, too quick. We both have to watch what we say. But it is also fun to watch what she will come up with.

When something happens such as water falling to the floor or an unidentified crash coming from Olivia's room, I usually ask: What happened? Now Olivia repeats that with her own version of what happened by saying: Beep happened mommy? Beep happened? It is amazing what they pick up! I probably say that way too often. I didn't even realize how much I said it until one week Olivia walked around saying it all the time.

 

Other things Olivia is saying is "was ir hands now" or (wash your hands now). After I change her diaper I always say I have to wash my hands now. I never even thought about it. I have probably been saying that to her over and over ever since I started changing her diapers. And now she wants to go potty on Iya's potty. We bought her one. I never felt so emotional about buying something in all my life. She was so excited to help us pick it out. She walked right over to the yellow teddy bear potty, said Iya's, and sat right down on it with a very proud and determined look. Of course after we brought it home she wanted to sit on the potty ALL day long over and over but that seems to have subsided for right now most likely because she has a bad diaper rash. And well I don't want to rush things. They will happen in good time. No pressure.

 

Speaking of emotional, I really did cry when Matt actually connected with the kindercare people and made official plans to send Olivia there for a half a day 5 days a week starting in a couple of weeks. What?! My little girl is going away from me? I know it is good for her and good for me and well, good for us...but I have spent every day of Olivia's life with her. I have only been away from her for a few hours at a time. Yes, it does make me cry because Olivia is growing up and it is amazing to see how much she is learning. She even tells me in sign language and in English that a child is crying. She says this with a genuine look of concern on her face. I tell her it is okay we all get sad sometimes and children have a hard time when they can't have what they want. It is hard work to be a child. It is hard work to be a parent. But it is the best kind of work there is. No doubt about that. I am happy she is so compassionate. Compassion is what world needs more of.

 

I guess ultimately the thought that someone else is going to be influencing my child's upbringing both scares and delights me. I have to loosen the apron strings. I am just loosening them. She is still my baby! Anyways all of this is a good reminder to me to take a deep breath and relax a little because well, beep does happen, you know?! Life happens and we all grow up a little more each day.

Olivia is allowed to watch one show in German: Dora the Explorer. Dora speaks in a mixture of German and English. Dora has a song that she and her monkey named Boots sing when they accomplish something. To me it sounds like this: something something something cause WE DID IT. We did it. We did it! (I only understand the We did it part because that is in English). Olivia's version is dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah bedaddy. Bedaddy. Bedaddy!  Bedaddy in Olivia speak means we did it. Although I am happy that Matt, her daddy, has such a huge influence on her and her speech development, I must admit I am a bit jealous that her words all seem to start with some sort of daddy in them. Where is the bemommy? (The scary thing is I know the bemommy is coming and I don't want Olivia to be anything but Olivia!). But not all of the daddy words work in Matt's favor. We still aren't sure what Daddy boom means yet but well, it doesn't sound good.

 

And the bemommy? Well I lost my patience the other day when Olivia was getting into the bath. She was not listening. When I said Olivia I need you to do this and then she said no, I was so frustrated that without thinking I said Olivia do it now and stomped my foot down. You know what the little bugger did back? That's right. You've got it. She did a bemommy: she said no and stomped her feet down on the ground. That's right silly mommy. Right back at you! So yeah. I have to watch myself. Boy there is no greater mirror or more like microscope then to see yourself on the face of your own toddler-sized version of you. Oh lord help us all!  

Shoes are Olivia's favorite. Every day she takes Matt's shoes out and she tries them on. Matt's shoes are massive on Olivia's feet--he wears a size US 15 (UK 14). Olivia also likes to try on my shoes. For a long time every shoe--slippers, sandals, boots, etc.- were all called shoes. Now Olivia calls them bee-bops, which is her word for flip flops (I wear black flip flops around my house most of the time.).

 

It is really amazing to see how Olivia's volcabulary is developing. Last night she said good night daddy over and over. Then she said good night mommy when she was tired of saying daddy. She was so revved up. I give her very little sugar, really just fructose from the fruit she eats, so I am pretty sure it wasn't that keeping her up. I am just amazed at how long she sang good night daddy, good night mommy. It seems like her brain is in overdrive. Once she learns something she has to say it over and over as if it somehow will make a permanent chip in her brain. Today she kept saying nacht tish (night table in German or at least a word closely resembling tisch) and genow (genau or exactly). The other day she spent almost an hour saying daddy's shoe, mommy's shoe, iya's shoe.

 

Then there are the numbers. She is trying to count in a mix of German and English. One, do (two), die (close to the German word for three: drei). In fact "do" (two) is her favorite way to ask for more of something. I gave her some toast with peanut butter as a snack. When she was done, she asked for more: "More toast pees." I said no Olivia just the one piece is plenty and then I offered her some apple. She said "no dooo mommy. Doo!" while holding up two fingers. Isn't it amazing how quickly they learn how to negotiate?

 

 

Owl

Pea-Bah (Peanut Butter)

Muckmoo (Oatmeal)

Ball

Bah-bah (Soup or sheep depending on the context)

Badth (Bath)

Shoe

Bear

Mas (Mouse)

Boo (Boot)

upiedown (up and down--we sing the wheels on the bus go round and round and the people on the bus go up and down)

dee-doe dee-doe (ding dong)

rusa (rucsack, the German word for backpack)

eeet-eeet (the sound monkeys make, which we sometimes misunderstand to be eat, eat)

voom voom (the sound the vacuum cleaner makes)

oolee (jewerly)

 

 

 

 

Okay. Iya (Olivia) has decided that oatmeal is the best thing in the world for breakfast, which is of course fine by me since it is fairly healthy for her, especially with no sugar and fruit added in. Anyways some mornings Matt is kind enough to let me sleep in a little while he gets Olivia's oatmeal ready. The truth be told, I am not really sleeping...I am somewhere between wishing I could just go back to sleep and realizing that I can just lay there and get a few more minutes of peace and quiet.

 

The other day there was no peace and quiet to be had. Olivia was having a mini temper tantrum and yelling Muckmoo Iya muckmoooooooo! Muckmoo as bad as it sounds is her word for oatmeal. Yes, and I felt a little bad that Matt had to listen to her yelling it over and over. I snickered a little because I have to deal with these mini tantrums a few times a day. I could hear Matt saying "You see Olivia, oatmeal takes time. It will be ready soon Olivia. Soon." And to that Olivia replied: "Iya Muckmoo!!" 

 

Now how's that for first thing in the morning? Yep, top of the morning to ya. And yes, we realize how bad muckmoo sounds. Believe me, we try to tell her it is oatmeal. I mean it's not like we enjoy having a toddler yell muckmoo at us all the time. :)

A few months ago I was so worried that Olivia would never start talking and I have to admit I started to curse the sign language a bit because I thought it was making the spoken language a little too tricky. Now she says something new every day. The words aren't perfect and most people wouldn't know what they mean but she is talking and that is all that matters. Again, for the hundreth time, I have to ask myself why I create these unecessary stresses on myself. Children all do things differently and in their own time. Repeat. Children all do things differently and in their own time. All is fine. Olivia is great. I am not screwing up my daughter.

 

Yes, I have to tell myself this. I figure the more I say it the more I believe it.

 

So here are a few of her most recent words:

Snooing (snowing)

Druller (stroller)

Duckie (duck--I don't say the "ees" at the end of words but she put it in there anyway)

Bapah (Backpack but she said that one pretty early on and only recently starting repeating it)

Pippi (Pippi Longstocking, her cute little doll)

Mamlee (Molly, her first doll. When she says this one it sounds more like Mommy or something like that)

Cookie (clear as can be with that one. Funny how kids learn those words so early on. They aren't fools)

 

And last but not least: Bappee. This one means better and I always say now don't you want to change that diaper. It will feel better and she says bappee. And lately she has been saying bappee because the poor thing has a terrible diaper rash. So yes I really hope she does feel better! Poor thing.

 

Matt bought me a classical guitar for Christmas. Olivia calls it "geetar." Yesterday I was attempting to figure out how to contort my fingers the right way to make a D note and Olivia went crazy. She wanted to try and play the guitar too. I let her feel the strings and pluck them a little but had to put it away when she got out of control and starting bashing it like a drum. This is no Hendrix electric guitar and well, I would like to try and learn some day.

 

Anyways all I have to say is Olivia amazes me sometimes as I am sure every parent has said at some point. But well, yesterday she saw a guitar for the first time and today she found the block with a guitar on it, said geetar, and then started pointing at my guitar. I thought that was pretty cool. I am constantly amazed how much just Olivia and other tots her size already know, and sometimes I don't think we give the little ones enough credit. They know a lot more than we think! So this too ought to put an end to my foolish fears that Olivia would never talk. She is talking. There is a new word every day. Kids are amazing and amazingly smart.

Olvia rolled over early, crawled early, and walked early. It doesn't matter of course when a baby does these things. I think people put way too much stalk in it. They all do it at their own pace but well, this is my first baby and it was great to feel proud of her accomplishments. Now the next big thing that people always want to know is is she talking. And well, for a while I would smile and say yes, well sort of...she is saying all kinds of things in sign language. And for a while I was fine with this being my answer because I read in several sign language books that babies who sign often take longer to verbally talk. But then I started to get a bit worried.

 

But now yes I can say she is in fact talking. Two days ago I was putting laundry in the washing machine and Olivia said g-e-e-t...I stopped and turned around and she said it again geet. She was pointing at the gate. And then yesterday she was in a store that had a small Christmas tree and she said gree. She also says kitty (that one is clear as can be, especially when she runs after the poor cats saying kitty kitty kitty). So yes, she is talking (and I can breathe a sigh of relief. Why do parents stress themselves like this?).