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11月6日

Settling in and forgetting the words

So we have been here for about 5 weeks. It was a lot easier moving back here then moving abroad. Of course I think that would probably be the case for most people. The first week we were here it was overwhelming... everyone speaking English, I couldnt tune out random conversations that I overheard from the dressing rooms...you know information overload....200 tv stations all in English. But I have adjusted. I drove 3 times the first 5 days I was here and now I drive all the time. Parallel parking is still something I have to get better at and I am a bit nervous about driving in crazy rush hour Boston traffic but in general, I am doing just fine. Although I have to say it seems like everyone is driving really really slow and irrationally compared to Germany...(sorry but I think the Germans are WAY better drivers). I am still not quite adjusted to where to get the best food for the best price. There is a lot of junky food out there. Everything including bread seems to have high fructose corn syrup added to it. Even Olivia has her food boycotts--she won't eat most yogurt and even said mommy the hommus here is nicht zehr gut (not so good). Speaking of Olivia and her German, well she misses Germany and her friends at the Kita a lot. She has asked me over and over to speak German and in the mornings when she is playing she often sings little German Kinder songs while she plays. It breaks my heart a little because I know she is forgetting the words to the songs and I don't know all the words so I can't help her. I too forget some words when I try to think of them in German. I guess that makes me a little sad. Germany is becoming just a memory. Goodbyes are always bitter sweet. But it is good to be home. It is good to see my family and reconnect with Matt's family and to have friends again. We are so busy that we really have to force ourselves to take time out. In some ways I miss Sontags in Deutschland when everything is closed so all you can do and want to do is eat, take walks, and go the parks and the Swimhalle to play with the kids. I think when we get settled into our apartment (we are still in temp housing) then maybe we can slow down on Sundays again. The passing of time at a cafe and sipping coffee while watching the people walk by in their fancy clothes...I miss that. Germany has a lot of things about it that I will miss but for me it was just too hard to be away from my friends and family. I struggle sometimes with figuring out where to put those memories. I feel torn that we couldn't make it work. I want to know more German. I don't want to forget. Well I guess this is how it goes. Things start to fade away in time. Memories get warped and all the bad becomes good and the good becomes romantisized. The truth is, it was too hard for me to be there and boy did I try. But it was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go back some day.