Okay so it DOES matter. Vote. Clearly it mattered 4 years ago and 8 years prior to that and not enough people took it seriously the last two times (I have to believe that is why Bush had two terms...I really don't want to believe that people ACTUALLY voted for him).

 

Anyways I am living in the country now. There is a Ho-down (spelling here is unknown) where I can meet my local representative (or at least the republican one). What does one wear to a ho-down? LOL! Even more importantly what will happen there? What will be said? Not sure if I can go given the party affiliation. Hmmm...I am curious. Will they be chanting Palin and McCain's name? Ah Palin. Isn't she such a wonderful representation of what it means to be a smart, well-spoken woman in America today? I mean golly-gee what a Maverick. Okay enough of the politics. I apologize for the sacarsm but it is once again UNBELIEVABLE what has happened in America today and politics here.

 

All I keep thinking along with everyone else is HOW BAD IS IT GOING TO GET? We have open enrollment in November when we have to decide what we should do with 401k and other investments...um, is there going to actually BE a stock market?! See my dad was not that far off. I am not that crazy either...we are all just waitign to see what is going to happen. Biting nails and wondering why I even bother to listent to NPR and Lehr hour because it just causes anxiety about the state of things which really I have NO control over. So I am moving on. We all need to move on. Bye Bush Bye! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Okay so the first day Matt and I took occupancy of our new house we left the windows open and it poured all over our living room floor and in our basement. We knew that there were some water problems with the house given it has a sump pump but we didn't realize the water problems also included gutters not working properly. The rain water the first time was not so bad and so the next sunny day Matt and his brother reconnected some of the gutterst that were taken down for whatever reason and we thought, okay problem solved. Apparently there were also a lot of leaves in the front gutters and Matt and his brother could not get to them because the bushes are right up against the hosue and they coudln't squeeze the ladder in there. I know this because a week later it rained like crazy and it got so backed up that the rain started pooling in the living room window and poured all over my floors. I was a mess. The kids were screaming and I was soaked. When it calmed down a bit I grabbed a shorter ladder, smashed it in between the bushes and the house and stood almost on the top of the ladder with a huge pole to get the leaves out because I was NOT going to clean all that water up again. It seems to have solved some of the problem but it is looking like we might need to replace gutters or at the very least put new seams on some of them. IF only the rain would stop. But that is not the only water problem I have had to deal with.

 

A few days before the gutter inicident I had a leak in our brand new hot water on demand tank. It was leaking like crazy all over the basement floor. A huge amount of water was everywhere...so much that we had to push buckets of it into the sump pump. Matt tried to turn of the main water but that still didn't seem to stop it. At this point we called the sellers of the hosue because we legally can't do anything until we close and we can't close until the septic is all done but that is another story alltogether. So anywyas after mopping up the water twice and still having a steady stream, I finally got the idea to get the big crazy rain water bucket and collect the water in that. I had to empty it twice and it holds like 30 gallons of water. That was fun. Fortunately the sellers are cool and got right on it and had a plumber come and fix it. So that problem is now solved.

 

And now the water is messing up our closing date. We hope it won't but we are biting our nails. My yard is piles of dirt and rock with huge holes right now as the septic workesr try to finish up the septic in time for our closing date this Friday. We just want to be done. It stopped raining this morning long enough for the health inspector to give the job a "go ahead" and now it is raining on and off. I don't know what it is about us and the places we move to but it seems like we just bring the rain. So please come out Sun. Please go away rain! Cross your fingers for us because we really need this whole thing to be over.

 

But anyways despite everything we love the house and we love the neighborhood. Several neighbors have come by and one even brought bananna bread. There are lots of small kids in the neighborhood and we even have a teenage girl next door who loves to babysit. So through it all, we are still happy we live here. Okay cross your fingers. Got to go check on the work now.

Yeah! Really wishing in some ways that we stayed in Germany but I really missed my family and needed to come back. Oh America, a storm is coming. I am no expert here but I do read and watch the news. On THe News Hour last night Roger Altman, a former Clinton Financial Advisor, stated:

 

So yes I believe we ARE in trouble Mr. Lameduck President. Oh yes we are. Do you know that George W. Bush scheduled a press conference yesterday exactly at the same time Ben Bernanke had his press conference so that he could talk about the state of the economy at the same time Bernanke was talking to the Senate Finance Committee. What the heck is that? And while Bush was saying things like the economy is not in as bad shape as we think, Bernanke was saying the complete opposite. That in fact inflation will get worse, more banks will have problems, and there will likely be more job losses. Consumer confidence is down and so is consumer spending. Times are tough. So yes. Please let's face the facts folks! Take those blinders off. Admit, America is in for some tough times.

 

So not to sound crazy but I did buy extra flour, rice, and some soup. Hey what the heck? I have a family and like most Americans I don't have a lot of extra room in my budget for additional food price increases. Where do you cut the food? I used to buy organic. I can't afford it. I used to really read the labels and try not buy too much high fructose corn syrup, too much saturated fats, salty stuff. I still do but I also need a few snacks. I just buy less of them because it really does cost more money to eat healthy. Sad but trure. But I need to live and so does my family. So now I am cutting coupons. I used to do that but then I got lazy. I am back to it. I saved $4 dollars yesterday at BJs. Oh yes. Wholesale baby. I have to buy wholesale. I am sure that we do save money even by not having to drive to the grocery store twice a week, that saves. So that is the state of affairs. I want to go back to work but I am not sure I can find work. I started looking and didn't see much and I am not sure I can afford the childcare. Oh yes I feel the shock. Work so you can pay for daycare. Work so I can have a few extra dollars in my pocket to offset the rising cost of food and gas. The only reason I didn't work on getting a job right away is because we knew we were going to move out of the city and try and buy a house but we didn't know where. How can you get a job if you don't know where you are going to live? We are still in the process of trying to close on our house and I will not breathe a sigh of relief until we close in mid August. I have heard that banks have bailed at the last minute even after they issued a commitment letter. Well I have a commitment letter but I am being cautiously optomistic. I am trying to stay positive about the house even though I know that the value is going to drop the moment we sign the final papers. So that is that. I am done. Not really all that crazy. I mean a lot of people think I am Far out there worrying a little but guess what? I am not the expert here but the experts are telling us to brace ourselves.

Okay. SO I just talked to my dad. It is okay if I write about him on my blog because he doesn't care much for computers. But if he does read this, well he will have to forgive me. Anyways my dad seems to think that really bad economic times are coming. He is not alone. There are a lot of people out there who feel that way but he is taking it a step further and believes we need to perpare ourselves for the worst: food shortages, water shortages, sickenss...oh you know utter mayhem. He is a Vietnam Vet and I think he might be going a bit overboard but then again it gets you thinking....OH BOY what if it gets THAT bad? THen i guess we are all screwed. I have some dried fruit and nuts and a bunch of backpacking gear...but really what the heck am I going to do if it is all falling apart around me? That is all I can come to for a conclusion. There are people saying that it is a planned collapse of America so that the dollar will completely fall and we will suffer economic collapse like Argentina did because we are self-centered arrogant people who are out of touch with the rest of the world and our time has come. Well I don't know. THere are definitely a few of those here but not everyone is that way. I am not so selfish or so out of touch but you know hard times are here and more will be coming. But even though that could very well be the case, things could get that bad, I still want to believe that it will GET BETTER. I have to believe that as a Nation we can get it together and figure out how to do GOOD in the world or at the very least, help our neighbors. The midwest floods show people helping people. Heck the Ameircan people helped Katrina victims (our government didn't but regular citizens did). I still want to believe in people. If you can't see the good in the world, then what is the point of seeing? So for the sake of my family and the sake of all I will keep on believing in the greater good. Call me crazy but I have to.

 

Two weeks ago we think the first word that Taylor uttered was bottle. Matt was downstairs with Taylor and he was pointing at a bunch of things muttering uh and um and then Matt said what do you want? And Taylor said bot-tal. Matt said you want a bottle? And Taylor answered um and laughed. A few days later I was in the living room and Taylor was doing a similar thing, pointing and grunting. And I said what do you want? And he said ra-moot. I said did you say remote? He picked it up and laughed. Yesterday in the car he picked up a book about Dinosaurs and said Din-a-soor. We said did you say Dinnosaur and he repeated it. But he doesn't say these words again. He seems to only utter them once or twice in passing and then when he has said it that is it, time to move on to the next word. This would not surprise me because that seems to be how he works with most things...he sees things as a challenge like trying to climb up on the couch and he will do it over and over until he gets it and then he moves on to something else. And I think with communicating he will do what is quickest....like he will sign milk because he can't say it but he verbally told my mother Down when she was trying to rock him and he wanted nothing to do with it.

 

So the little guy is growing up. Walking, running, and climbing like crazy and now he is starting to really talk. Oh and let's not forget the destruction: banging, smashing, crashing, and tearing apart all things he can get his little hands on. Love him. It is so much fun to see the differences in Olivia and Taylor's personalities. I love and sometimes get upset by the dead-pan stare Taylor will give me when he is about to push his sippie cup or food off his tray. He stares right at me with this hard staret while pushign whatever it is onto the floor and then he waits for my reaction with tinniest hint of a smirk on his face as if he is saying So what are you going to do about it? Matt's Dad told me that Matt did a similar thing with his bottle when he was Taylor's age.  But you know, it is great to see his mind working. Oh there have been days when I thought I was losing my mind....when Olivia is yelling more this and that and Taylor is practicing sceeching and I have to lock myself in the bathroom for a minute and turn the fan on before I go insane. But then I am so happy to be home with them. Like this morning when I saw Olivia sweetly talking to Taylor and giving him her hand so he could get up on the couch. I am so proud and so lucky!

Olivia is struggling with the idea of moving again. I don't blame her. We have moved four times in the last three years...several were into temporary apartments and two were international moves. I am done too. I don't want to do it again ever if I have to but life works that way sometimes. The good news is if we get this house, we sincerely hope with all our heart that this is the last move for a very, very, very, long time.

 

Anyways Olivia is three and a half years old and so for lots of reasons she freaks out and even more so because we are once again sending her life into chaos. It breaks our hearts but we are ultimately doing it for her. We went far far out there as one guy said to Matt to find a hosue we could afford in a decent school district that is not hours and hours from my family but is still close enough for Matt to take the MBTA commuter line to work. We have seen over 300 houses online and 43 houses in person. We have put two offers on two houses and almost put an offer on a third but didn't because there were serious mold problems. The first house we were going to buy fell apart after we went through paying $500 for an inspection to find out that this beautiful old house was just too old and too much money and work to maintain and it had bad, bad levels of radon with no way to mitigate it. The first house had mold and we fortunately found that out before we put an offer in on it or paid for an inspection. This house has gone through the inspection and has minor things like new gutters that need to be put on but no major problems so it is looking good. Several houses we looked at had lots of trash and dirty clothes everywhere. We felt bad because it was like walking into a disaster zone and the sad part was you could tell that there was a lingering sense of desperation in the air coming from the people trying to sell the house who already dropped their price several times and really needed to get out before they couldn't. One house had a cemetary literally right outside the back kitchen window. Sorry but I didn't want to look at grave stones while drinking my morning coffee! Another house literally had the highway in the backyard to which the listing agent said, well if you shut all the windows, the owner says she never even notices the noise.  Most of those houses were much closer to the city but they were all we could afford in our price range. It was a real shocker to us to see that even though my husband makes decent money and even if I was working, after day care and everything we still could barely afford to be anywhere close to the city. THere are some places but they needed a lot of TLC and money or the schools were not so great or they would be very very far from my family. The truth is unless you have a good pile of cash, this is still not the best market to buy a house in because most people selling have to sell their house for whatever reason and don't have a lot of room for negotiating. So now after months and months and loads of craziness we think and are hoping that THIS house is going to work out. And so we have told Olivia that we are going to move again. We had to tell her because she listens to everything and when she doesn't understand, it only elevates the temper tantrums. In fact, she told us yesterday to STOP talking adult talk...about things she doesn't understand and talk about them when she goes to bed. Wow! We were floored.

 

But still I feel it is important to tell her about moving to prepare her and work through it all. I haven't said we have a house yet or talked about what it is like or anything in case it doesn't work out. I don't want to set unrealistic expecatations about what a house will be like only to have it fall through. But I have told her that we are going to move into a house at some point. She freaked and said she liked it here. Then she went through the list of all the things she owns, her Bitty Baby doll, her bed, Taylor's crib...then she went through every item in the house and asked if it was coming with us. I said yes and then she started asking is the stove coming? Are the windows coming? Are the doors coming? I said no. So she said then I bet the door handles aren't coming either. That was pretty cute. So now she is going through what is NOT coming. Then she asked me what about the attached lighting and the kitchen sink, are those coming? I was very surprised that she knows what attached lighting is but I think she asked about that because when we moved from Germany to here we had to take all attached lights (ceiling lights and what not) and yes, we also had to take the kitchen sink. When you leave an apartment in Germany, there are no ceiling lights, no kitchen cabinets, no stove, no counters, and no kitchen sink. So yeah we have had a very long journey to get here and get our stuff here and let's all hope and pray and do whatever to get us into a house, out of the city, and settled in!

 

Today I spent several hours researching rainwater rain gardens and safe ways to eliminate pests because I DO care about the environment and I DO want to do the right thing. I have recycled since I was twelve when I made my parents start taking their newspaper and glass to the town dump because back then they would not do curbside pick-up. In college I worked for several environmental groups on a volunteer basis. I started an environmental group in high school. My husband and I have had one car that we have shared for the better part of a decade. We both walk and use public transportation as much as we can. I make people crazy and try not to be annoying because I DO care about the environment. That is why it is so damn funny that I got an "environmental" offender ticket. A couple of weeks ago it was bike to work week in Cambridge. Matt and I woke up one morning to see that there was a bright orange ticket on our car and Matt went out there all upset because it would not be the first time we got a parking ticket even though we have a parking pass for Cambridge. No, we were ticketed because we drive a Honda Pilot SUV. THe irony is that I was about to put the "Eco" basket I made for a charity event, which was full of all safe earth cleaners and fair trade coffee and goods, into my car. I know it is not good to drive an SUV and believe me my husband and I debated back and forth about it but we couldn't afford the extra 5-7k to buy the hybrid and we needed something decent in snow because my sister really does live way out there in the snow and I haven't driven in snow in 7 years. Also the main reason we bought the car is because it is the safest in its class and Matt wanted something safe because his sister died in a car accident. But that's okay. You got us. You're right: I should strap my two kids on my back and bicycle around town. I am so tired of the holier than thou attitude. Answer me this: why is it so much MORE expensive to buy a hybrid and "do the right thing?" Sorry I was too poor to do the right thing. Sorry. But to our credit, it is better on gas then many cars. IF WE ARE GOING TO CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT, WE HAVE TO MAKE IT COST EFFECTIVE FOR EVERYONE. PERIOD!

 

Now here is yet another reason I am DONE with the city. Our car got towed because we forgot to move it on the third Monday of the month because we parked on a different street due to no parking in front of our house and didn't realize that street cleaning was on third Mondays not Tuesdays like it is on our street. We have a parking pass but big deal, there is no parking most of the time anyway. They towed us.

 

 

 

A recent article in The Boston Globe reads "...customers willing to pay a premium will soon be able to power their homes with environmentallly friendly wind power."  Okay great. I think it is a great step forward. I hope that more and more people will opt to pay the almost $5 dollars more a month. The more people who sign up, the more wind projecst that can be started. So yes, I am happy to see that Massachusetts has finally gotten it together to at least make environmentally conscientious choices available to people. I believe Seattle and Washington state and I am guessing but not sure, all of the West Coast did that years ago. Most of Europe has been using wind power for years. But why do we have to pay a premium to do something good for all of us? Why are we not given a reward? Why must we be forced to pay more to help our environment? Why doesn't Massahusetts give some sort of incentive to both the power companies and to customers so that everyone can afford to help our environment? Why do the "green-friendly" cleaning products have to cost a dollar more than the ones that both destroy our environment but also potentially harm our bodies? Why are all the gas-saving cars so expensive? Why should being environmentally conscientious cost more? That to me is the biggest flaw of the environmental movement. It needs to change. I am not sure how or why or who but some how some way being good to the environment needs to be economically viable for all. Period. Untill our politicians, companies, and our governments do that, we will not be able to stop the downward spiral of the destruction of our earth. The article goes on to say that this is a "prime example of how we can use market mechanisms to combat climate change." Yes great. So why can't we figure out how to bring cost-effective products and choices to the market for all of us not just to those who want and have the extra money to spend? Please, make it work for all of us!

Olivia has a little Dora the Explorer watch that we got for her for a stocking stuffer this past Christmas. Today she asked me to get it for her because time is important as she told me. So I gave it to her and then about a half hour later she said, Mommy we are wasting our time. And I said what do you mean? Why are we wasting our time? ANd she said because that is what my watch says mommy. Look It says we are wasting our time. (It doesn't say anythign just some numbers but I think that is pretty funny). Don't you just love how little kids pick up on everything, including all our silly adult expressions?!

Hello. Culture shock. Hello old friend. Hello America. Hello Boston. Hello Massachusetts.

 

SO I went shopping at the Shaws in Porter Square to get a gallon of milk. In the past when we lived in Seattle and when we were living in Germany, we always tried to buy organic milk hormone-free (they are starting to question if the added hormones in milk are okay for kids...in europe, they refuse to sell it. PERIOD.). Well here is news: THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO BUY MILK FOR $8.20 A GALLON! I had to settle for the non-organic but still hormone-free for $4.00 and ouch that hurts too! Geez, do you think we might be in a recession? Do you think inflation is happening? I wonder!

 

Okay and so I am living in the city right now. Hopefully we can afford a house with a school district that is okay not failing and falling apart. It is looking pretty bad out there. The schools here are falling apart because most of the school districts get their revenue from income taxes based on-yes you have guessed it--home tax revenue. Well, since the housing market is not doing so great....yes that is right, now it is affecting schools. Schools are having to cut budgets even more. In three of the places where we can afford to buy a house and where it appeared that the school districts were decent, they are going to lay off teachers and make serious budget cuts. I feel like curling up into a ball.  I have been searching in a wide radius around Boston to find a place we can afford, that has the MBTA line in it or close enough to it,  that has a home that looks okay, that is not hours away from my family and a town with a decent school district (this last one is obviously one of the most important factors!). It is getting harder and harder to find this. I am not convinced we will. We may have to just go with a town and cross our fingers that the school and town for that matter (police, fire department, roads etc.) will not go belly-up. The Southshore looks good but it is pretty far from my family so we have been staying away from there. But maybe I have to re-evaluate our standards again. Maybe we can squeeze into a smaller house, deal with ripping off wood-panneling, scraping lead-infested paint from pealing window-sills, ripping out all the stained rugs, having ceilings that are one inch from my husband's head, having 5 feet of yard space, metal chaine-linked fences with scary dogs... God help me.

 

I miss my German solidly-made doors, windows, floors....I miss the prices of really good and good-for-you food. I miss it all. I miss walking the cobblestoned streets, the little Kita kids songs (I can't get Olivia into preschool anywhere right now becaue there are waiting lists a mile long!). Oh boy and do I miss the euro...being paid in euros! So yes, reverse culture shock has knocked on my door again. I am happy to be back around friends and family but sometimes I want to curl up in a ball because I feel like I do not belong anywhere. Where oh where do I belong? I have traveled the world, lived in foreign places, and now I am "home" again and I am just not sure what that means. I know one thing: I am tired of the city life. I am tired of overpriced ridiculousness. I am tired of walking to the playground and walking by the 3 guys who go through everyone's trash for bottles, the lady who dropped her purse and had needles fall out, and the people who really are talking to themselves (sorry, I know they can't help it but it still makes me nervous!).

 

Oh and here is another reason I want to move out of the city. I was at the playground down the street and there was a gaggle of 3-year-old girls all shouting and dancing to the tune of happy birthday so-and-so. I forgot to add that they were all dressed in these crazy beautiful expensive long dresses and really nice suede flower boots. Each girl looked like her mommy was trying to outdo the other mommies by dressing their girl one step up. I myself would die to have those clothes and these kids are like three years old wearing 200 dollar or more outfits. THe last time I saw little girls wearing clothes liek that to a playground was France and well that is France so I guess it is expected. But here? I mean how can you play in a dress like that? Apparently they were heading off to a sushi restaurant to celebrate a 3-year-old's birthday and one mom said to her little girl, Come on so and so, don't you want to go to the party and have sushi? The little girl responded appropriately. No! I don't want sushi! I don't want to eat sushit! (she said it and I am not sure she realized what she said but it WAS funny). I tried so hard not to laugh but could not stiffle my laugh. If looks could kill...oh boy. And I think I have problems getting my kids to eat their peas and carrots. OH boy. I might just have to be banned from that playground or not, because I really don't care that that mommy and a few others shot daggers from their eyes. I think it is a bit ridiculous. Maybe it is just me but WOW! That is all I can say now. WOW! I am just shocked. Shocked. Laughing, crying hysterically, scrunching my belly shocked.

 

(Oh and I just realized something...I think that this mom that was trying to get her daughter to go to the party to eat sushi- she was the one the other day who did the sniff test. YOu know. Not to be crude but I guess that is what it felt like. She came up to me and said hi, you are new here. Do you live in the area? Yes. I said. I live over by the hospital. Oh. Nothnig more. She just looked at my kids, looked at me, looked at my clothes, and awkwardness ensued. I just blew it off. Okay. Whatever. I guess I didn't pass the test? Or maybe it was nothing. That is great. Love that about New England. There is what is said and then there is what is not said. The full message cannot be understood unless you catch what was not said. Love it. Love the games we all play. I am in no mood to play games right now. No mood. I miss that about Germany too! There is not a lot of subtlety there...you know exactly what someone means. Here? Not so much...yah have a nice day (oh you mean you were being sarcasitic?). OH boy. Oi!)

 

 

So my baby is  now growing up s so fast that I cannot keep up with him. He is just about walking. He took his first steps about two months ago and now periodically tries to walk aroudn the houe by holdign on to people, toys, and furniture to keep himself steady. He is different baby. He looks right at me and puts dust fuzz in his mouth and then gags and take it out to hand it to me while I try to leap and get it out of his mouth in time before he chokes. Yuck! Olivia did not do that.

 

He is signing like crazy. He tells us he is sleepy by sweeping his hand across his head which is very close to the ASL sign. My sister watched him the other day and she thought he was trying to say he had a headache because he kept doing that over and over and then putting his head down on the floor. She was a little worried but he didn't fall and didn't have a fever so she thought she would just wait to see if he got better. When I walked in the door, he immediately did that sign to me and then grunted. It was a little too late to give him a nap but sometimes I think he is just experimenting with signing and doesn't actually mean what he says.

 

Today he signed diaper, as in change my diaper, as clear as can be. I was so thrilled. Not so thrilled to change the nasty nappie as they call them in the UK but happy he can tell me he has one. And he definitely has shown me the sign for cereal and more. He smacks his hands together to tell me more and then grunts. WHne he is all done, he takes both his hand and pushes away, which is pretty much the sign for all done in ASL.

 

Taylor is more of a risk taker than Olivia was as a baby. He tries to climb everything and he smashes things together and tries to see what happens when he puts this toy into that toy. He is very active. I can barely get him to sit still long enough to go through a touch and feel type book. But he is doign great and I feel proud and lucky to have two great kids.

So I have moved beyond having to plan my life around rain and clouds. That sounds a little crazy, I know. But here is the deal: I have lived in both Seattle WA in USA and in Aachen, Germany and it rained just about every day in both places. Seattle was beautiful in the summer. Sorry but I cannot say the same for Aachen Germany. Now that I am here in Boston, MA, I find that eventhough it is bitter cold some days, most of the time the sun is still shining and their are blue skies. It really makes a difference for me. I think I have suffered from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) otherwise known as sadess due to lack of sun for too long and I am just now starting to feel a little more normal.

 

Now that i have moved beyond livign with cloluds, i have to move beyond havig my head in the clouds so to speak. Reality here is a bit more harsh when it comes to what it comes down to here is those that have money and those that don't. We find ourselves in the middle. We have started to do our first home buying search and it is both scary, sickenign and exciting all at the same time. Scary? Well there are a lot of homes out there that are way overpriced pieces of junk. THen there are the ones that really are sick. I mean falling down. Then there are deals to be had because people are defaulting on their loans. Now the last ones are great deals but scary because what you get is what you get no guarantees and you oftentimes have only 48 hours to decide to purchase. Ikes! Down the street from us in Cambridge there is a falling down piece of junk for (and brace yourself here) $675,000.00. THat's right. Step right up and sign right here and you can be the owner of a tear-me-down for almost 3/4 of a million dollars! Unbelievable.

 

So what are we to do? Well, I have been taking the MBTA site and checking every town that it goes to and seeing what the school district looks like and then seeing if we can afford any house with 3 bedrooms. It has to have a basement. What I keep finding is that the best schools are on the MBTA line or within a 45 minute drive to Boston and the houses start at, yes, you have guessed it 1/2 million dollars. SO we are waiting. We are looking and we are waiting. Maybe the market will crash even in those places and we can get a decent house. Oh please let it happen. Sorry to wish that but there is no other way we can afford a decent house in a decent school district with a reasonable commute. We make decent money. We have saved for a down payment. We planned for the market to crash. And yes, although we could afford something more than what we are looking at, we don't want to become another statistic. No, we won't take a crazy loan with variable interest rates and no, I can't live in crackville just to live close enough to Boston. I'm sorry but there are the desirable places to live that are a stone's throw from Boston and then there are the very undesirable places to live...I hate gentrificationt too...I hate that some places are out of a Martha Stewart catalog (look I like her stuff too but sometimes it is all a little too sterile, a little too homogenous) but I am not willing to experiment with my kids' education and safety. THere are places. We see places with potential. I can roll up my sleeves. I painted walls for a third job to put myself through college. I know what hard work means but I also have a baby and a toddler and I also know how little time we have right now. I guess some how some way we will make it work.

 

So how far would you drive? (lots of people here spend 2 hours or more total a day commuting...that is tough to do with a family but becomign more and more the reality.)

Okay. It has been almost 5 months now since arriving back in the US of A. In many ways i feel like i have entered back in to the blog into the sameold sameold antville mentality..back into the machine workforce that just keeps on working on to do something to make somethign to buy something to be something. Consume. Consume. Buy. Eat. Be Merry! It is so easy to fall back into that trap. The marketing is so good it is scary or so bad that you can't turn away. Your purpose in life is to buy. eat. be merry! I fell prey to a pair of shoes, then it was the dress, the cardigan, the ad was showing women away in a faraway land...away because they deserve to be away and oh you so deserve to buy that shirt, skirt, those shoes....

 

Sorry off on another crazy speil.

 

Back to Germany. There are a lot of things that are fantastic about Germany and in General Western Europe. I can only speak about Western Europe because that is where I lived one time ago in a land far far away. I understand why Americans romanticize europe. Hey Mr. Tambeourine Man play a song for me. In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you. Hey MR. Tambourine man I made a song for you. I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to....(I like Dylan's words but not so sure I like what happened to his voice...) Anyways Germany made it their priority to take the environment seriously. They treated it like a pragmatic engineering problem and said, hello it just doesn't make sense to waste. Waste not, want not. I love that about Germany, The Netherlands, France, and Belgium. They recycle everything and if the packaging cannot be recycled, then the company who makes it and the stores that sell it have to pay a fee and/or figure out how to dispose of it.

 

Speaking of voices: What happened to the voices of the people who beleived in love and peace and being good to the earth? What happened to the love? the belief that things can change? (Kockamaney hooey treehugging hippie mantra stuff?!) What happened to their kids? What happen to the people in my generation? The people in the "me" generation, did they give up or never care? Why is it they don't seem to change? Why are we voting for the same two parties that make broken promises about our health care, our kid's education, our environment. Hell, why is it we have "No child left behind" but in reality, it seems as though every child, woman, and man who doesn't make enough, are left behind. We are behind America. We are behind. We have not seen the light. We don't realize that we have to change our consuming ways. We have to learn how to save. How to care for one another. We have to learn how to care for our planet, our earth. We need to be shaken into realizing that many of those people we see on the streets holding up signs are recent veterans and still we have our grandfathers on the streets from Vietnam. And still we don't see them. We don't want to see them. Our colored recylced paper gets sent to China on a boat as trash. They take our trash, sort out all the colored paper, and sell it back to us as recycled paper. Meanwhile our own people are losing their jobs. They are losing their homes. Their kids are struggling to make it through the new experimental math problems. Meanwhile we as a nation have fallen so terribly behind all other first world coutries in mathematics, language, and history, that yes, the word on the street in this global market is that the American bully can't cut it anymore and is in some sort of spinned out world going out of control, losing their jobs and their houses. Oh histroy? Do you think we need to know about history? History is why you are who you are. At the end of the day you are who you are because of history: Bad history; Slave history; "Exploration" history, women's history (or herstory if you prefer) and in the end, humankinds's history. You call it one thing and chances are, someone somewhere is going to see the other side to the story. So is it really history? Well, facts are facts and we should start with that. So yes, at the very least, please acknowledge that we all agree at some point We are all going to run out of natural resources and there just won't be any way or reason to make, buy, sell or trade that STUFF anymore. (Yes, I am talking about oil in case you were wondering.)

 

*(anyways forgive me...not sure where this is all coming from...I guess at the end of the day, I am not so impressed with ANY of presidential choices and really, I am looking not just for change but for radical change. Is that so hard to ask?)

 

So I am fully immersed in inventory hell here. All morning I have attempted to complete the inventory sheet that lists all of our belongings and how much they are worth. This is my third time doing this sort of thing. I am wishing that I kept my old inventory sheets but even if I had, we have WAY MORE stuff now that we have two kids. Every room, every dish, every piece of clothing, linnens, all of it has to be inventoried or we risk losing it all if it gets damaged and then we get nothing for it. This is nuts. And why is there no place for children's furniture or my hallways stuff? Am I not supposed to have this sort of thing?

 

There is a Buddhist belief that you should only own 100 things or less; that all you need in life to be happy is 100 things and anything more will make you crazy, depleted, empty, and leave you somehow always wanting more. I am starting to think this is in fact true.

 

Why do they need to know how much lingerie I own? In theory I don't have to say but if I don't and for some reason our things get ruined in transit and I haven't listed the fancy panties and things then I would not get money to replace them. It literally feels like someone is looking in my underwear drawer. I don't like that but I will list them and not be so ridiculous about it. I am not some freak or anything but I do have clothes that I care about. But then you find yourself saying things like Oh my god. Do I really have 35 pairs of shoes? And that is just how many shoes I HAVE...this does not include my children's shoes or my husband's shoes. I am supposed to count all of our clothes together. Do they realize how insane an exercise this is for most women? And they put shoes and boots together. I don't put those things together. I have ummm well I have 7 pairs of boots if I include the Harley Davidison biker boots (I attempted to learn how to ride a motorcycle 5 years ago before children but gave up when I dumped a 500 pound bike during my lessons..why they gave me a short person that bike to try out is beyond me) and my snowboard boots that I got 5 years ago that are now too small because my feet have grown due to pregnancy but I still try to pretend I can suck it up and wear them with thin socks. I thought I was over this? I thought I was getting better at letting things go. Something new comes in and then something old must go out. This is the rule when attempting to keep order in the universe. Unfortunately this is not how my universe works.

 

100 things? Imagine that. What would that look like? For me personally I would have a hard time because admittingly most of my 100 things would consist of shoes, boots, coats, and art supplies and a few cool skirts that I have picked up here in Europe. Great so I would be a deranged lunatic walking around with 10 coats, 15 shoes, 5 skirts and a bunch of art supplies. I guess I have to count my panties too. I wouldn't want to lose those. Sorry guess I am trying to find humor in this. Maybe it is a bit crass but well, how many things of lingerie do you own? And the bigger question is do you want to share that with the movers? Maybe I will just leave that one blank. Oh boy I really have my work cut out for me here and our move date depends on me getting this done like yesterday so we can get out of here. Nothing happens until I finish this. So now I am attempting to turn myself into a robot and not think and just count things. I am not going to sit down and tripple guess myself to death? (Will they believe that our bed costs that much? Yes I have 15 chairs. Oh my. Oh my. Spinning numbers. Wish me luck!).

Not sure if P!nk's song Dear Mr. President gets as much air play as it does here in Germany, but here and especially in Holland, it is played several times a day. You can't go into a store in Holland or turn on the Dutch and German radio stations without hearing it. What do I have to say about it? Well I couldn't say it any better. "Dr. Mr. President. How CAN you sleep at night?" Today Germany uncovered two serious terrorist plots to take down the American air base in Ramstein and the Frankfurt airport. There were something like 40 different locations that they busted for being involved in terrorist plots all over Germany, many in the area where I live. I have a lot of faith in Germany and I have no doubt they are on top of this stuff. When it comes to taking care of things like that, this place does not mess around. Period. But then there is always the people they don't know about. Yesterday 8 terrorists were arrested in Coppenhagen for plotting terrorist activity. The main reason cited for this, and I quote the CNN reporters exact wording here: "hatred against American citizens."

 

I was getting my hair cut in Maastricht (Holland) the other day and as usual my hairdresser wanted to know what I thought about Bush. Of course I didn't hold back on anything. She of course agreed with all I said. That he is a babbling, scary idiot who has zero diplomacy skills. He has destroyed just about everything he and his very scary administration have touched. Any president that follows him has A LOT of work to do but let's face it, could it get much worse? God I hope not!

 

But still we are going back. We are going back because we miss and love our families very very much and I want my children to grow up knowing their cousins and aunts and uncles and well everyone.

 

So Matt got the job in Boston. We are moving back and thank god we can at least go back to a real blue as blue can be blue state. (Except for our govenors...why do we always have these crazy govenors?)

 

And so we have come full cirlce. Seven years ago on October of 2000 we moved to Seattle. When we got there, the stores were decked out in Halloween gear. I knew I was in Seattle when one of the window displays in a hip little clothing store had three pumpkins with these words carved out: Are you scared yet? VOTE! That was the year 2000 when obviously either enough people didn't vote or the wrong sort came out to vote, because my friends that is when our leader in chief was voted into office. Since then wars have been started, people have died, New York City and Washington D.C. were attacked, people were left to die in the worst national disaster we have ever had (Hurricaine Katrina) and oh let's not forget the many many agreegious environmental offenses the administration has unleashed on the world. So yah I am coming full circle. Except this time the world IS in fact a lot scarier. 

 

And so I will say it again: MAKE SURE YOU VOTE! Our citizens and the world are depending on our votes. My Dutch hairdressers have all begged me to please get someone else in office. I fully intend to do my share. Believe me. I am tired of being scared to speak English or admit I am American. I avoid that question most of the time or just expect that someone will want to talk politics because here people aren't afraid to and then I make it clear from the getgo that I DID NOT vote for him. I was a little afraid to walk down the street today with my children talking English. Not that I thought anything would happen but well those plots were plotted here in Germany because of hatred against America and I am sure that many people here in Germany really wish they could have nothing to do with America and its god awful politics. That is the truth. It can be a scary world out there and only we can make it better.

 

So Mr. President, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE GONE! (and neither can most of the people I have met over here that dare to talk politics). So here we come Boston. (Hope you have room for one more opinionated liberal!)  

Toys are supposed to fun but not all toys work they way they were meant to. Today Olivia was playing with  ball that lights up when you throw it on the ground. We thought it had water inside but today when Olivia threw it on the floor, it shattered and oil came out of it and it went all over our wood floors. It smelled like kerosene. We don't know if that is what it was but SCARY! What is that doing in a kid's toy, especially one that is designed to be thrown on the ground. What if she inhaled that or god forbid had it in her mouth? What if it caused a fire...it is flammable and to boot, it is meant to be thrown hard on the ground which does not work well with FLAMMABLE things. Scary, scary, scary!  We bought it here in Germany at Meyer Bucher. If I had the German Product Safety Commission site, I would link it here. So if you are reading this and you have that info, please let me know. Matt plans to go down there and let the book store know that this is not a safe toy to sell, which leads me to my notice to parents.

 

Lots of toys and other household items are being recalled due to serious hazards on things that were made in China. Mattel and Fisher Price both have a lot of things that are being recalled and among many of the toys are the DORA THE EXPLORER figures from Fisher Price, which are being recalled due to LEAD POISONING (sorry, normally do not resort to CAPS but feel it is necessary).  Please check out the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission site and make sure your toys are safe: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prerelaug07.html. Scary! Toys should not be so dangerous. Here is a direct link to the toys being recalled by Fisher Price: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07257.html.

 

Just so we are clear here. Dora is one of the most popular toys on the market for Olivia's age group. Dora is popular not only in America but in Holland, France, Belgium and Germany. Oh and I am guessing probably in Spain too. Nice. You know what else is being recalled due to lead poisoning? Those stackable plastic donut tubes that babies play with...yes folks, babies who put EVERYTHING in their mouths are putting lead painted toys in their mouths.

 

So how do I feel about this? Well I think I agree with my husband here who said we might want to re-think the global market and seriously ask ourselves if saving a buck or two for cheap labor is really worth the risk. Sorry but I have to agree. Not only do these recalls affect our economy but they are also affecting our children's safety. And that is not worth it. I would rather buy less things at a higher price to get better quality. And the thing is I don't think it is entirely China's fault. The companies that sell these things need to seriously work on their health and safety standards. I have half a mind to throw out all the plastic toys we have and to throw out all the Dora dolls, which thankfully weren't on the list. But really the issue is more complicated then that. You see I need my government to work with other governments and to work with international companies to make sure that the products we buy are safe. And now that I question some of the company's products, well as a consumer it is hard for me to trust any of their products. And I am sure I am not alone. So mess with quality, lose consumer trust,  lose money, cause economic problems, hurt children and in the end cause parents to get very upset. Not a good idea. Two words: Fix it. (And what about the poor countries who a) make these products (unsafe) and b) dont have consumer rights or government run comsumer product recall postings?)

 

 

 

Things are better. It didn't rain today like it has for the past week, month, and all summer. And the Kita had a little birthday party thing for me....they are so nice.  It really was so nice of them to make me feel so welcome. They are a good group and like I have said have been more of a home away from home then anything else. They gave me flowers and champagne and painted Olivia's face with Happy Birthday Mommy on her cheek. Olivia made me 4 cards and that was so cute. And Matt gave me new Hausshue (slippers...not sure of spelling...forgive me).

 

There is also some news from Boston and Matt may have an offer extended to him by another group within the same company. It is not what he orginally applied for but the group really liked him and so he did like 9 hours of interviews with other hiring managers and the last person he spoke with at 5:00 p.m. at night wants to talk more. We are keeping our fingers crossed again and should know in 3 days or less what the scoop is.

 

So I guess that is that.

 

Oh and my father-in-law sent me a very nice gift. He sent me a photograph he took of cherries in the rain that I really like. Now I have that in my dinning room and took another painting I had and moved that to over my couch. Hah! Go figure. How silly. We are about to move and I went and hung a new picture. Oh well. Gives me some sort of sense of completion.

 

Have to go get fussy baby. Poor little guy is teething still and so there is still no rest for the weary. Maybe tonight. He did take a nap at the same time as Olivia and I just passed out from exhaustion. He woke up 3 times during a two hour nap but somewhere in there I got a little shut eye. Of course now Olivia will be up later but I guess we all needed the rest. So that is that. 

So my birthday is in two days--no wait, one day.  Not such a big deal. I don't feel my age. Grr. Stupid keyboard..if I am missing letters in my postings it is because the keyboard is not registering them...I am not the best typist or speller but I am not that bad either. Grr. I try to read stuff over sometimes when I am feeling anal or like a perfectionist but lately who has the time?

 

The fact that I am sitting here writing at 1:40 a.m. is not so strange either. I seem to be a bit of an insomniac these days. My baby is teething and my little girl is scared of imaginary bugs (Tonight she totally freaked out that the fuzz from her blanket was on her sheets and was convinced beyond doubt that there were bugs in her bed. So now she is sleeping in my bed again.). Anyways I must be a fool because the baby finally went to sleep again and here I sit.

 

I need to go to sleep now. I know I do. That is the thing with insomnia and stuff. You know you have to slow down. You know you have to relax but the moment you put your head on the pillow your mind can't stop racing and then you crash.  I haven't been able to crash in 5 days. I have gotten 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night for 5 days. I feel a little insane. I am here in Germany. Oh right and I have had only 5 minutes of adult conversation except for the few minutes Matt and I talked and when I called my mom.  I think this week except for when I talked to my mom or Matt, the total amount of English conversation I have had is like a half hour or maybe an hour...that includes hi good morning goodbye thanks and I don't know the word in German and Can you help me? These words are spoken in the comings and goings of daily life walking from my apartment to the Kita, walking to the stores, and saying yes you can use our parking spot to my neighbor who either really means come down sometime or has learned that this is what the English speaking world does when they don't really want people to come down but feel they have to politely make the fake offer. I think I am a bit insane.  I only had two cups of tea today and no coffee but still can't sleep. Oh please let me crash. I am SOOOO tired.

 

(Going to attempt for  third time now to go to sleep. "Let go. Jump in. So what you waiting for?" http://www.imogenheap.co.uk/ sorry song is running through my head. I like her...think it is pretty cool that she is doing her own thing.)

 

I guess I just wanted this day to be over so tomorrow can be a better day. Today sort of sucked. Will do Yoga tomorrow. Yoga. I know I can do it right now but I don't have the energy. Good night.

Well I guess on both accounts things didn't work out. Matt didn't get the job in Boston and I didn't get sleep last night. Matt has others he is looking into and I am sure eventually we will me moving on. For me this trip was really hard because the baby has been going through some serious crying spells due to teething. The baby woke up 4 times last night between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m. and he cried and cried. I walked around with him, gave him baby Tylenol and did whatever I could to get him back to sleep. At 2 a.m. when he woke  up for the third time, I was so tired that I walked around for a few minutes and then I had to let him cry. I had to get some sleep. I haven't slept more then 4 hours in the past 5 days and I really needed a little shut eye to deal with my very energetic toddler in the morning. Speaking of my todder, at 4:00 a.m. Olivia got scared and crawled into bed with me. Fortunately she went back to sleep until 7:00 a.m. so I managed to get well, a whole  3 hours of sleep. Brutal. Oh well. C'est la vie!

 

I guess we just have to keep moving forward here. He has other jobs that he has leads on. And eventually the baby will start sleeping again for me (hahaha in another year or two when he gets all his teeth). I think both me and Matt are looking forward to our vacation on the Dutch Coast. We both desperately need some down time and well, we might as well enjoy our time here in Europe while we can. Tomorrow Matt comes back and maybe between the two of us, we can get some rest and relaxation.